something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
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After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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