A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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