can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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