True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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