Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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