That's intense
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
