so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
