i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
