Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
