Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize