im drinking this country out of the recession.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
