what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
