so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said