There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
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Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....