Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
