Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
