I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
