I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
