and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize