I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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