I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
