Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
