Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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