Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
