just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
