he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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