I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
