I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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