were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
