Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
