just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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