is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
how does that bad decision feel?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
