I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
