I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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