wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am midnight drunk by noon
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
