remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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