HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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