I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
