Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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