apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
