i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
