At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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