i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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