This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
