I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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