that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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