Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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