Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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