A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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