god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
