On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're my little dorito
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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