So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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