We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
