Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
