Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
