If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
