The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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