things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your penis caused this!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
